Golf....Golf....!

The only aspect in golf that I'm 100% consistent is .....INCONSISTENCY! I played 18 holes 4 days a week at Darulaman Golf & Country Club (DGCC) and 9 holes at least twice a week at Royal Kedah Club (RKC). Members of DGCC are allowed to walk on weekdays only, ie, Monday through Thursday; the other 3 days are weekends. My only reason why I became a member of RKC was due to DGCC's restriction. As I told in my previous article, the primary objective of plying golf is to excercise. If my game is of the same standard as Paula Creamer, then it's a bonus.....he.....he.

In all honesty, the so-called adage 'practice makes perfect' is not applicable to me at all. The most appropriate one should be 'practice makes me imperfect' - in golf only, mind you. Throughout the 9-year period playing here, I've covered about 18,000 km.....equivalent distant from Jitra to ......(you fill up the blank).

Whenever I told my golfing friends, other than my permanent kaki, of my handicap, they just don't believe me. As expected, they claim that I'm a 'naga', not even 'buaya'. Because to them, even the 'cacings' recognise my footsteps. Just tell me, which part of the hazards, OBs, ponds, that have never been in contact with my balls.

For those who had played at DGCC before, I'm sure you noticed a tall wire netting at tee-box #9. On the other side of the netting, there is a bangalow house. To most golfers, it would sound ridiculous if someone said that his ball hit the house on tee-off. Well, your guess is right.....yours truly did that more than once! Nothing in golf is impossible for me.

Incidentally, I was told that the houseowner made a police report complaining of golf balls falling in his compound. I wonder what he expects the police to do....move away the tee-box? He should have known better to build his house there. The tee-box was already there long before he built his house. By the way, if you ever see balls with 'NIBS' written on them, please return them to me, OK?

My good friend, Col Zainal Piee, still serving RMAF officer, used to play with me whenever he visited Alor Setar. I warned him of DGCC's infamous greens - suppossedly tricky. My, my, he 'pars' on those so-called tricky holes. I lost to him all the time whenever we played here. Imagine, in my homeground!(ps. as a Muslim and host, I've to take good care of him. He's my 'tetamu' and had to let him win..). But he's a good winner. He never allows me pay for dinner. I suppose he took pity on his pensioner friend.

Now I understand why Malaysian golfers never win the Malaysian Open (MO), neither the British winning the Open Championship in the past decade. We've to be good hosts and take care of our guests. We've to let them win.

If only I'm a pro, my self actualization is to kiss the trophies of the US Masters and the Open championship, as the winner, of course. Imagine, the defending champion assists me, a Malaysian, to put on the green jacket at the Masters and receiving 1 million pound cheque in Scotland in that cold weather....! What is MO prize money, man.....peanuts. Once back in Malaysia, the government announces that I'm entitled to the RM5K monthly allowance (same amount for Olympics gold medallist). What a dream....!

However, as a truly patriotic Malaysian, the most valued prize is to have my name engraved onto the MO's trophy. Well, pros, I'm sure all of you can do that, afterall, MALAYSIA BOLEH........

As for me, I'm happy with my golf and enjoy the company of my gang. Happy golfing.