Golfers - The Eccentric

Golfers are really religious people, I mean Muslim golfers! 'Zikir' all the time...!Why? When his tee-off or his fairway shots goes haywire, the word that automatically comes out is ‘Allah’. Or when his putt misses the ‘par’ – Allah. Golfers, true or not? But, when his shot is good or the ball rolls into the hole during putting –‘wow’. He’s no longer pious! Golfers, don’t ever try to deny it, OK? He...he...

However, there is also a non-religious category. This group normally the rookies – new to the game. He will swear and curse from the start till the end (not me, of course). Why? The fairway is so beautiful and wide, yet his ball seems to fly either to the right or left but not centre! On a positive note, they swear at themselves. So unlike other games, eg, rugby, where they'll try to maim their opponents....jangan marah rugby players. Now, I don’t blame the youngsters who love swearing. They’re just following their elders – eldership by example.

Miss Par.....you’re one lucky girl. They’re thousand of golfers who really adore you. And, they’re not silent admirers at that; they make it known openly that they miss you. Don't believe me? They'll be shouting your name whenever they miss the par putt – miss par!

But Miss Par, don’t be over flattered that you’ve so many admirers. My sincere advice to you is that you better insist your potential golfer-suitor to go for a medical check first before the lifetime commitment. You see, most of the golfers are sick people. I'm serious, you know! Why not accompany him in his golf trip. Pay attention to what he utters when his ball misses the target '.....aduuuuh’! For no apparent reasons he fall sick. This is what I call ‘Sakit Tanpa Kesakitan’.

Whatever it is, Miss Par, I can understand why you can't avoid admiring him.Golfers think that they're the most perfect God-created creatures! They're too perfect to make mistakes. Bad swings, shots, putting or whatever - they never blame themselves. It's because of the clubs, wind, drizzle, even the contrails of the aircraft at 33,000 ft which distract them, etc, etc. Their favourite and the most over used word? 'IF/KALAU'. If only I use #7 iron, if only the wind stops blowing...if..if..if..!

Well, marriage is in the hands of Almighty Allah. You fall in love with a golfer and marry him. Both of you are blessed for being a very fertile couple, and within a span of 9 months you’ll be expecting your first baby boy (scanning confirm it’s a boy). No point arguing with him about naming the baby... ..he has the name already in mind for the Malaysian-Tiger Woods in-the-making – PARMAN.

Talking about hypocrisy....readers, you're yet to know how hypocrite the golfers are! You want to know what their answer when asked why they participate in golf tournaments, even in the club's monthly medal? 'Just for fun ....'. How can you play for fun when you've to pay to play with total strangers? To me, fun is when I play with my golf buddies where I really enjoy their company. And, when asked how's their game. The response..OK lah. Meaning...tough luck to you. The championship is mine.

Whatever it is, I've my wife to thank for encouraging me to take up golf since mid '90's. It keeps me occupied in my twilight years.

For potential golfers, don't think golf is an elite and expensive game. Expensive if you want it to be expensive. Initial costs may be on the high side,however, nowadays, you can get good used sets through e-bay. You can view my golf paraphernalia below.

Readers...please don't take literally my description of the Golfers. Basically, we are gentlemen...he...he. Golfers, jangan marah. Now is the season to 'forgive and forget'.

'SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI'